Family Affairs

So today I decided to create my 2nd Blog.Except the only difference with this one is that it's going to be more personal.

 

I Was Supposed To Be Daddy's Little Girl together but he never wanted me ,it's what I felt like telling mum but I alreadIt's 17 years later and this phrase no longer exsists in my vocabulary.I no longer get excited when I hear mum say "Dad's on his way home " but instead I have all this anger and fustration build up inside me,and you may question thee above and well reason being is that when you grow up with both parents mum being the one to always be there and well dad he was there too ,but never emotinally or physically was almost as if he was ghost.There were the times that we used to do things y knew what her reaction to that statement would be so instead I bottled everythng inside and it has taken me 17 years to fianlly expose how it is that I really feel but writting this blog.

It wasn't to Long ago that my family had discovered that my "dad" was having an affair.Still being in High School I recall going to school with bloodshot eyes,feeling more depressed than ever.Deciding to talk to a girl who im very close with by the name of Dominique Pascarella I began to tell her what was going on.If you knew this girl you'd  know that firstly theres no one in this world that can come close to her she's really just beautiful inside and out . You'd understand my reasoning of asking her for advice, if you wanted things to be put in perspective with a honest opinion and wanted to know that you wouldn't be judged she was definately the one to go to,so thats what I did.

<---------Dominique

YES,this is her told you she's beautiful never a dull moment with her as you can see  =)

 

                      And here is what I look like

Just about everyday I spoke to her and not once did she ever give up on me.School days progressed to become tougher and I could no longer keep up.EventuallY before I knew it,it had almost reached the end of the year ,I still remember the day I was sitting in class with my earphones in my ears trying to block out the rest of the world and from anymore negative thoughts filtering into my head.The intercome rang and a announcement was made for Claudia Fernandes to come up to the office with her bags,so I did as I was told slinging my bag over one shoulder and feeling eyes on the back of my head I knew everyone was saying negative thoughts about me,making my way to the office trying to hold my tears back I remember waling right past her and another girl who were on their way to extra classes as they were writting finals at the time,continuing my walk I heard a familiar voice shouting "Clauds,hold on" as I turned around I saw Dominique rushing to my Aid and asking what was happening I had to go so I said I would speak to her later . 

When I had reached the office I was surprised to see Both my parents standing outside with the principle at that moment I knew that I had bad news coming my way and yes I was right taking a seat in the confrence room ,hearing the principle tell me I had pretty much failed the year due to being absent so many days which was associated with my health and being in hospital so often that I wouldnt pass the following year as I had then missed out on to much school work ,dad not being interested his words exactly was "DO what you have to ,I have to get back to work"got up and then left.The decision was made that I had to stay back a year and repeat my grade 9 year again.

Dealing with my parents constantly fighting and the stress of school,and then on top of that school had told my parents that I was using substances,which at the time they couldn't prove until i got home my Parents were given a drug kit to test me and it had come out positive and yes il admit I turned to drugs because I honestly felt as if I had nothing else to turn to so instead I reverted to drugs,THINKING hey maybe dad will realise that his the problem andstop what his doing and realize that his in the wrong ,but unfortunately my attempt had failed misserably and the only one to be there for me was Dominique.Helping me through my struggle one which I thought I was never bound to get past or overcome this girl managed and achieved HOW?I have no idea but im thankful for her everyday because if it werent for her ,today I wouldn't be here writting this so if you reading this and are going through a similar struggle just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you may think that there isn't.

LIFE LESSON LEARNT-"No matter how difficult times get there is someone out there that does care for you even if you think thst there isn't.Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel that you are losing yourself"