Everyone's Got A Place to Be and there's No Room For Me

Why Is It So hard To Find Someone WHO CARES ABOUT YOU?






Has that thought ever crossed your mind? Or have you just never given it much thought at all?
I was sitting listening to Music by Three days Grace and in one of their songs thats what the lead singer transposes across to his listeners and I just sat there and realized this song has been on my iPod forever and a day and it'sprobably played so many times but I never gave the lyrics much of a listen until a few minutes,I thought wow this song is so true in one of the versus he says :

"Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you but its easy enough for someone to look down on you"

I thought thats so true and it came to me that as you may be reading this and your world may be dissasembled or dessasembling you just have to keep your head up ,you may feel betrayed but you can escape the bitter taste of what life is throwing at you ,you can break away from everything and take yourself to higher places,you the only one who can change your fate be the change you want to see in the world.

I always thought I could live life with holding things inside and although I know it's not good,It's just how I deal with things it feels as if I'm frozen inside and I realized that I live in a world so cold,im living in a shell with no soul I feel like im wasting away im left behind I feel like im losing my mind,I used to say to people that I was nothing without them and while this is true there is people I have encountered through out my life that Have helped me acomplish things that have made me the person I am today,the rises and falls I have experienced have played a big part in who I am too,I just keep reminding myself and you should too if you going through a dificult time that you have to make things work with what you have there's people out there who are happier with much less than what you have.I know you may feel like all you want is a little of the goodlife and YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN!

STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN ,GET KNOCKED DOWN 7 TIMES STAND BACK UP 8,SHOW EVERYONE THAT YOU HAVE A REASON TO STAY AND THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR.

LOVE?

love? Really? What is this? Does It Exsist? Where Do I find It?

This word to begin with firstly gets thrown around too much if you have to ask me.ALL OF THEE ABOVE ARE QUESTIONS THAT WE HAVE ASKED.

The truth being that the answer to the above differs for each person,I mean speaking of the perfect example here I am writting this blog yet I have my doubts about Love believe it or not I do and for me personally I think this is pretty normal for anyone,people in this world do and say things which cloud our judgement a lot of the times.

same note people base how they feel and what to look for based on that movie for I mean let's be honest we watch a romantic movie and everyone walks out the movie house feeling like they just witnessed how a PERFECT relationship should be and im not here to tell you that those type of relationships don't exsist because they probably do but with that being said on the example,I'm guility of ths so don't worry or stress if you are too,all we need to do is just believe in OUR  hearts and follow what it says instead of letting our brain do OUR HEARTS WORK. We strong and stable enough to persevere in our own bliefs andwith that being said I'm sure "LOVE" will be found im not claiming to be the love doctor either but from past experiences that have now influenced my current one's I can tell you that I know what the exact of opposite of love is and that's hatetred it's something that is capabale of tearing you up inside and you may feel like it's a storm that  you can weather but it proves you wrong,having hatetred towards someone takes a lot more effort than to love someone,but like I said things happen that cloud our judgement and alhough it's difficult to see at times being positive can guide you through this,it's all about vulnerability,being open and not being afraid to hurt.

"iF there's no pain there's no game"

Being loved by someone gives you the courage ,true love never dies but instead gets stronger with time.All im saying is appreciate those who ARE here for you ,those who tell you that LOVE YOU,THE ONE'S THAT take the time to prove andshow it and as far as the ones that dont well move on.

People come and go in life and the reason  this is that as each new person enters and by the time they leave there's a life lesson that needs to be acknoweledged AND MAYBE WHEN WE DO ACKNOWELEDGE MAYBE THINGS WILL HAPPEN UNEXPECTED

 

Timeless Travels

So I haven't posted in a good solid 4-6 months and I have some good news for a change I'll be embarking on my new travels to Europe on the 26th of June which is in less than 2 weeks time from now,yet im still uncertain on weather im excited,anxious,or mellow,or all three?
 
In my previous blogs You may have recalled me speaking about Lara Johnstone well I have news on her too.Who would say that these last couple of months would be my most difficult yet most anticipated?
Where do I begin...

LARA  JOHNSTONE

Okay So as far as this beautiful girl is concerned we have had countless conversations on how "we" were going to get her to Australia. I know you may be thinking why Australia,so truth be told Lara happened to meet this chap Daniel which well to cut a long story short they now dating except he lives millions of miles away and I bet you've guessed just where he might live,AND WELL if you werne't thinking of Australia then.........IT'S BLOODY AUSTRALIA MATE!
 
Every day and just about night we would speak trying to figure and brainstorm idea's of how we were going to get her there,don't get smart and say via air transportation as that would be the most obvious thing to say it was rather a matter of how we were going to come up with something finacially as being 18 and going overseas blowing off your own steam is definitely no breeze in the park.
Some of which those conversations let me tell you wasn't easy having ,they got emotional at times and when you on the  other end knowing how badly someone hurts it's a feeling that no words can describe,hopelessness fills your heart and mind  and no matter how hard you try you know your efforts still bypass theothe person. La and Myself encountered this I think more than once and it got her down often and me down sometimes both at the same time things were exchanged that we didnt mean just in the heat of the moment things exploded from holding them in for so long.
 
After endless months of going up and down you know the result she landed at?
 
SHE'S GOING TO AUSTRALIA!!! =)
 
She's going due to her perseverance in the most unpleasant of situations,her determination,her willingness to put it all on the line no matter the cost she made her self vulnerable but as they say if things were easy then everybody would be doing it ,she knew mentally it was going to be difficult but despite of everything we've been through im excited to tell you that we will both be in a different part of the world at the same time how cool right?
That's what I thought too,she deserves this and if you happen to be one of those people that dont believe in long distance relationships then Lara & Daniel are a prime example that they sure do with just a little extra effort and determination no matter the mountains you have to face,weather you stand alone,or with a million others YOU FACE THOSE MOUNTAINS and you will overcome them if you just believe like she DID!

My Travels Begin On the 26th of June 2013

Moving on ,I leave for Europe in 11 days from today. If you don't know me there's quite a bit you need to know .Starting that I have a very strong personality which has it pro's & Con's just like everything else in life there has to be a balance in everything and I'd like to think no different than that of my personality,I may come across as egotistic but if you just take the time to  get  to know me you'll see that you have percieved me very incorrectly.I WILL ALWAYS STAND MY GROUND FIRM and if  im in the  wrong I have no shame in admitting that I am just as long others do the same ,Im very adventourous and I enjoy trying new things out and TRAVELLING is definitely one of them.
 
As I embark on this journey I will be visiting a few countires such as Germany,Netherlands,Spain,Italy,France.Travelling in my opinion opens one's eyes and mind as well as persepctive as it makes you aware of all the different diversities that are out there that not many get to experince or see so im definitely gracious and thankfu FOR  this experinence in this part of my life cycle.
 
Along with all this you may remember that my very first blog was about family I have some news on that too. The bad news however is not that I have resolved problems with my dad but rather that I have connected with other family whom I've always got along with her name happens to  BE Ivone Delgado and boy oh boy is this freaking bundle of joy a POWER HOUSE! She's yeah makesme speechless im 17 turning 18 next month and just to give you  an idea shes a soccer mom with 3 beautiful daughters. Honestly whenever I just think of her that same significant moment plays in my head knowing that shes here for me no matter what,that someone can atleast understand me for  who I am someone who can comprimise,someone who is able to hold me up when they have a family of their own this shows true character and just yestersay I happened to tell her thatI appreciate her and it's not often that I tell people that out of eeryone I know i've maybe told two pwoplw that and shes one of them and so as i Embark on this journey it's her and Lara thati'll miss most.

A New Year=New Challenges

it's been a few months since iv posted something new to my blog.Im glad to announance to you that I am a fellow survivor of the 21st of December 2012. ;)

The world has not come to end but rather a new year has begun.My life while ,on the other hand that is still pretty much the same =)
It's a late Saturday Afternoon and well everyone is busy making their way to the Red Hot Chilli Pepers im here in front of my Pc telling you about my life ,how boring right?

In These past few months that I havent posted my latest Life lesson that I have learnt is that "DISTANCE CAN SEPERATE PEOPLE APART FROM ONE ANOTHER" why is it that I say this? Well because no matter how hard you try to stay close to them it just doesn't work out,at the end of the day you just sit wherever you are try to filter that person out of your head and continue to try and convince yourself that they don't matter ,but the problem with that is that you still thinking about them?

the New Challenge=Don't give a shit about people who don't give a shit about you easier said then done right but thats why its called a challenge. Why put in all the effort when they never do? Why protect them when they don't do the same for you,why worry while they dont have a clue?

 but its better to be alone than have a bunch of fellows who come and go?

riddle me that

People Aren't Always Who They Say They Are

The universe...it's filed with millions of people.Different races ,different personalities but along with all of this people tend to have this perception that they have to show and pretend to be something that they not to the rest of the world,this can be misleading at times as people believe that this is how a certain person is,and eventually fall for someone who isn't who they are believed to be.

But on the same note you get those people who are who they really say they are and when this happens our instant reaction is to question this matter and ask if this is really who they say that they are as it seems to good to be true? Matter of the fact that these people really do exsist it's just difficult to distinguish these "REAL" people from the "FAKE" people and who it is to really invest your trust in .

Iv come across both these types of people in life and in my personal experience I think this is a good thing as it teaches us to keep our guard up and appreciate those that are cloest to us and it's a life lesson that one learns very quick.We learn to appreciate what we have instad of obssesing over the things we"ve lost and value everyone that is honest and true to us.

A prime example of what i've just said above is that of the precious girl in my previous post Lara Johnstone.Before I had ever met her I was forever obsessing over everyone I had lost and then she came a long and it's as if she just healed every wound that I had,and made me realise that it's people like herself that I should be surrounding myself with she is honestly someone who is to good to be true except the only difference is I know that she is who she is,because she doesn't prove it with words but rather by her actions,Everyday im thankful for her because she makes up for so much of who I am today,made me realise that life is worth living for when you have someone to fight for and I don't know about you that's more than a reason to never give up and well my reasn is Lara Johnstone

LIFE LESSON LEARNT-"NEVER GIVE UP WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS WORTH THE FIGHT"

Lara Johnstone Like A Sister To Me

Lara Johnstone A blessing In My Life

 

 

Lara Johnstone what more is there to say about this girl.She is one in mllion has the kindest of hearts that you'll ever see in your whole entire lifetime .She gives more than any other human being I know,always puts everyone else first before herself ,strong willed,caring,loving,amazing,and really theres no words to describe just how much I LOVE her,and how I'll go the ends of the Earth for her.

 

 

         The Beautiful Blessing in My Life and definately one im not EVER prepared to Loose.
                                                                      My LaraJay.



How we met was actualy quite Ironic to the both of us I still remember it as if it was yesterday. It was one Wednesday evening around 19:00pm and I had been coughing for a little while and it was begining to worsen so mum had decided to take to me to the nearest Hospital which happened to be the Linmed.Walking in feeling sick as ever and taking a seat in the waiting room waiting for a doctor to examine me.The next thing I recall one of the nurses coming out of the Trauma unit and calling for Miss Fernandes.So in I walked and I remember seeing all the units occupied and I got one of the very Last ones and as I WAS about to enter I saw a familiar face that I swore I had seen before I just couldn'tput my finger on it.

 

As the doctor came and did his examination I remembered where I had seen that face and then it hit me,SCHOOL. I remember mum saying shame that poor girl has measels ,and then I realised that it was Lara Johnstone.I decided to go on Facebook and message her to just justify if it was her that I Saw,to my surprise it was.The Doctor came back and told me that I had Double Pnuemonia and that I nEEDED TO BE ADMITTED for a few short days.

 

I was then transported to Arwyp Hospital which is situated in Kempton Park as Linmed was all booked and full.Over the next few days In hospital I spent TIME talking to La on facebook and eventually that progressed and before we both knew it we were both back at school and began speaking there to.

 

It was then really Interhouse where we began to actually develop our relationship,I was laying on the grass under a Marquee with a few friends and that Johnstone kid came and sat down next to me,before I could blink all her friends had just joined in and I felt a little awkward as I didn't knowany of them,so instead I just sat there not saying anything until someone had tried to stand on my back yes stand on my back,and La to my rescue said "Don't stand on her she had a back operation " and that immediately raised an alarm to everyone who was sitting around,so I gave the explanation of what was wrong and why I had a back operation at such a young age.

 

as the years have passed by La and I have grown closer and I can't even begin to picture what my life without her would be like,it is unimaginable.I'v told her things that I wouldn't dare tell anyone else and yet she isn't really the judgemental type which just makes her more beutiful then what she already is.Through every thick and thin shes been there for me,givin me a helping hand when no one else did and encouraged me to fight back when I said I wasnt able to,she's become more than just some aquiantance that I had accidentally met in The Linmed,more than just a friend but rather as family and A sister,and all I can say is that im more than thankful to have recieved the opportunity to have met someone who is so special and has such a huge impact on my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Family Affairs

So today I decided to create my 2nd Blog.Except the only difference with this one is that it's going to be more personal.

 

I Was Supposed To Be Daddy's Little Girl together but he never wanted me ,it's what I felt like telling mum but I alreadIt's 17 years later and this phrase no longer exsists in my vocabulary.I no longer get excited when I hear mum say "Dad's on his way home " but instead I have all this anger and fustration build up inside me,and you may question thee above and well reason being is that when you grow up with both parents mum being the one to always be there and well dad he was there too ,but never emotinally or physically was almost as if he was ghost.There were the times that we used to do things y knew what her reaction to that statement would be so instead I bottled everythng inside and it has taken me 17 years to fianlly expose how it is that I really feel but writting this blog.

It wasn't to Long ago that my family had discovered that my "dad" was having an affair.Still being in High School I recall going to school with bloodshot eyes,feeling more depressed than ever.Deciding to talk to a girl who im very close with by the name of Dominique Pascarella I began to tell her what was going on.If you knew this girl you'd  know that firstly theres no one in this world that can come close to her she's really just beautiful inside and out . You'd understand my reasoning of asking her for advice, if you wanted things to be put in perspective with a honest opinion and wanted to know that you wouldn't be judged she was definately the one to go to,so thats what I did.

<---------Dominique

YES,this is her told you she's beautiful never a dull moment with her as you can see  =)

 

                      And here is what I look like

Just about everyday I spoke to her and not once did she ever give up on me.School days progressed to become tougher and I could no longer keep up.EventuallY before I knew it,it had almost reached the end of the year ,I still remember the day I was sitting in class with my earphones in my ears trying to block out the rest of the world and from anymore negative thoughts filtering into my head.The intercome rang and a announcement was made for Claudia Fernandes to come up to the office with her bags,so I did as I was told slinging my bag over one shoulder and feeling eyes on the back of my head I knew everyone was saying negative thoughts about me,making my way to the office trying to hold my tears back I remember waling right past her and another girl who were on their way to extra classes as they were writting finals at the time,continuing my walk I heard a familiar voice shouting "Clauds,hold on" as I turned around I saw Dominique rushing to my Aid and asking what was happening I had to go so I said I would speak to her later . 

When I had reached the office I was surprised to see Both my parents standing outside with the principle at that moment I knew that I had bad news coming my way and yes I was right taking a seat in the confrence room ,hearing the principle tell me I had pretty much failed the year due to being absent so many days which was associated with my health and being in hospital so often that I wouldnt pass the following year as I had then missed out on to much school work ,dad not being interested his words exactly was "DO what you have to ,I have to get back to work"got up and then left.The decision was made that I had to stay back a year and repeat my grade 9 year again.

Dealing with my parents constantly fighting and the stress of school,and then on top of that school had told my parents that I was using substances,which at the time they couldn't prove until i got home my Parents were given a drug kit to test me and it had come out positive and yes il admit I turned to drugs because I honestly felt as if I had nothing else to turn to so instead I reverted to drugs,THINKING hey maybe dad will realise that his the problem andstop what his doing and realize that his in the wrong ,but unfortunately my attempt had failed misserably and the only one to be there for me was Dominique.Helping me through my struggle one which I thought I was never bound to get past or overcome this girl managed and achieved HOW?I have no idea but im thankful for her everyday because if it werent for her ,today I wouldn't be here writting this so if you reading this and are going through a similar struggle just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you may think that there isn't.

LIFE LESSON LEARNT-"No matter how difficult times get there is someone out there that does care for you even if you think thst there isn't.Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel that you are losing yourself"